Nora Ephron's neck

I brought a slew of books on tape for my ride to and from Georgia last week: Ephron's "Too bad about my neck" and other stories of the life of a woman was one of them. Nora's early career and mine shadowed each others until she pulled out ahead and became famous, sticking to her writing through 3 husbands, a couple of movies and much more. She was at Newsweek about 4 years before me. Anyway, I don't hold any of that against her, especially when I listened to her account of her neck and nodded knowingly as she described the variations on the neck theme. She recounts sitting around a lunch table with her friends of a certain age, all dressed in either turtlenecks or abundantly wrapped in scarves. Nora, my dear, I figured out years ago that to put a turtleneck on only pushes the layers of neck up and around, but doesn't hide it. Better to do what the grande dames did. I once went to a reception with a then much older Boston brahmin woman with last names they used to name towns after in New England. She wore an open collar shirt (silk) with AT LEAST 10 strands of pearls surrounding the length of her neck. Pearls do an incredible job of covering up that neck. Maybe the weight of all those pearls irons out the folds temporarily. The key is to stick your nose as high into the air as possible, stretching out your neck to the max.I always thought those women were just being snooty. They aren't. They're coping with their necks.

Speaking of necks. You may feel a little smug about how youthful your face looks. You may even succeed in hiding that hideous neck. But the tell, as they say in poker, is in the hands. Recently I had to shave a few years (10) off my resume to have even the slightest chance of getting a job. so I did the pearl thing, my face was okay, but then as I applied make up I saw these two horrific creatures - my hands - in the mirror. I put make up on my hands to cover the liver spots but the result was only so-so. During interviews I kept my hands out of view.

Of course, the best way to cope with all of this is again to follow Nora's number one rule - a rule I follow religiously. Never, never look in the mirror.